


Smiling with Red Teeth

by coffeestainanalyst



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Angst, Bucky's Broken Dick, Don't Try This At Home, Emotional Hurt, Guilt, HYDRA Trash Party, Hopeful Ending, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Torture, Rape Fantasy, Restraints, Self-Loathing, Shame, Steve is reluctant but eventually goes for it, Steve loves Bucky and Bucky loves Steve, Violence, Whipping, basically Bucky pushes Steve into hurting him, basically all the nice stuff, because Bucky's not well and Steve's in way over his head, but it takes a while to make things work, but they hurt each other anyway, non-explicit though, unsafe practices
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-25
Updated: 2015-01-25
Packaged: 2018-03-09 02:24:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3232763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeestainanalyst/pseuds/coffeestainanalyst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>aka the Steve/Bucky Painplay 5+1 that I wrote for the Trash Meme and finally cleaned up for AO3.</p><p>Quote from the original prompt:<br/>Bucky's time with Hydra has left him unable to enjoy sex without some serious pain involved. Steve doesn't want to hurt Bucky – hell, he'd do anything not to – but he'll do what needs to be done if that's what Bucky wants.<br/>Cue angst on both sides.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smiling with Red Teeth

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [Smiling with Red Teeth](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3262520) by [ogawaryoko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ogawaryoko/pseuds/ogawaryoko)



> [Here](http://hydratrashmeme.dreamwidth.org/587.html?thread=253515#cmt253515)'s the original prompt. Thank you so much [croutons](http://eatingcroutons.tumblr.com) for the beta! All remaining mistakes (and unnecessary commas) are my own.

1.

The first time, it works.

It works because Steve is huge now, and Steve is so eager, and Bucky keeps encouraging him to go _harder, harder, deeper, yesyesyes Stevie, I missed you, I missed you so fucking much, come on, harder._

He arches his body off the bed and imagines Steve whispering in his ear how he’s gonna split him in half, ruin him for everybody else, fuck him till his insides are all raw and tender and then fill him up good.

_Harder, harder, come on._

Steve leans in for a kiss, and Bucky turns his head away.

\--

Afterwards, when Steve sees the blood, he is horrified.

"No," he whispers, " _No_ , oh God, no. What have I done? Oh God, Bucky, I’m so –"

Bucky wants to reach out and steady the hands that ghost over his flanks as if the slightest touch will burn him. He wants to grip Steve’s wrist and dip his fingers into the wet puddle on his chest. "I came so hard I saw stars," he wants to say.

"I’m going to be sick," Steve chokes and leaves.

 

2.

There almost is no second time. Steve’s sick with guilt for weeks, apologizing over and over, and it’s only Bucky’s persistence that leads them back to bed together eventually. Bucky is propped up on more than one cushion and though Steve has been kneeling between his legs for what feels like an eternity, he’s still not past two fingers. Bucky’s not even half hard. He hates this. He feels like a fraud, tricking something pure and good into worshipping something that's rotten to the core. 

"I love you," Steve whispers and strokes him gently, "You’ve no idea how much I love you." He leans in to take Bucky’s cock into his mouth and that’s it, Bucky won’t have it.

He sits up and coaxes Steve to his feet. "Why don’t you let me do that, big guy," he murmurs and swallows Steve’s length to the hilt. Steve cries out – _God, Bucky!_ – and has to brace himself against the wall. He doesn’t grip Bucky’s hair, doesn’t even jerk his hips much, but Bucky knows how to suck and move and tilt his head just the right way to get his throat fucked deep. He drools and makes wet sucking noises – it’s not pretty, it’s dirty and feral and Steve’s cock twitches desperately inside Bucky’s mouth because it seems even the great Captain America is not above dirty and feral sometimes.

Bucky’s own dick finally shows some interest, and he brings one hand between his legs and tugs roughly.

Breathing is getting difficult, and the tightness in his chest starts to ache. He feels his heartbeat thrum erratically against his ribs and in his ears, feels the panic rise and lets go of himself in order to grip Steve’s hips. He pulls himself flush to Steve’s skin, locks himself tightly and works his throat so eagerly around his length that Steve groans and comes.

Bucky could do better than to let half of it escape, dripping out of his mouth on Steve’s legs and on the floor, but he’s got plans.

Weak knees give way and Steve slumps against the wall.

"Jesus Christ." His voice shakes and he struggles for oxygen almost as hard as Bucky, who grins and bends his head to lick come off Steve’s thigh. Steve twitches and his gentle hands find Bucky’s hair. "Or I could just have a shower," he murmurs.

"No. My turn," Bucky says, voice steady as if his vision wasn’t blurred around the edges to match the pain in his chest. _Breathe_.

"Of course," Steve says and leans forward, but a silver arm pushes him back.

"Don’t."

Bucky traces Steve’s leg with wet lips, collecting all traces of come he can find. Steve shifts uncomfortably when Bucky cleans his stained feet the same way, but the air doesn’t become overly tense until Bucky moves on to the floor.

"Buck –" Steve breathes but Bucky ignores him, lost in the task of licking white droplets from the floorboards. He wants Steve to grip his hair hard and smash his face down, or maybe kick him with a heavy boot, but he can’t ask, he can’t even look at what must be written all over Steve’s face. 

He lowers his hips and shudders as he starts rutting against the floor.

 

3.

"I want to give you whatever you need," Steve says.

Bucky hums. Looks back out of the window.

Says, "But you wish I didn’t need it."

It’s not a question and Steve doesn’t answer.

"Maybe," Steve says, "Maybe in time you can – unlearn it?"

Bucky chuckles bitterly and downs what’s left of a drink that has no effect on him anyway.

"Sure."

\--

It’s familiar, in a way. He has to force back the sounds, because if he cries out he’ll be punished.  
In this case, sometimes that means Steve will stop, leaving Bucky gasping for air and release and with the knowledge that he’s ruined everything yet again.

Sometimes it means Steve will force himself to go on, squeezing his eyes shut, swallowing against the bile rising in his throat. It’s an abomination, it’s killing him, and Bucky asks himself what that makes _him_. Suddenly, the pain is not enough.

Sometimes when they’re done, Bucky leaves and doesn’t return for hours, sometimes days. When he does, his breath wheezes, he’s limping, and he makes sure Steve sees the mess of black bruises before they start healing too quickly.

His smile is all teeth and he isn’t sure whom he is punishing or why.

 

4.

Steve’s got access to SHIELD property, so Bucky finds himself immobilized with shackles that actually hold him. He jolts against them as the whip licks his back. It’s another one of SHIELD’s _gadgets_ , a device that simulates the bite of a lash with some form of electric shock, causing the same amount of pain without leaving scars. Bucky doesn’t think any amount of scarring could make his form any more monstrous to look at, and he craves red welts blooming on his back, craves his pain being made visible, if only for a short while.

But Steve is making a compromise, bending and twisting himself for Bucky, so Bucky will be grateful and make compromises, too.

The pain is real in any case, Bucky thinks as his body jumps at each impact. Maybe it’s even an advantage, because Bucky is experienced with punishment; he knows what that amount of pain would look like written in bloody gashes on his back, and there’s no way Steve wouldn’t have stopped by now if he could see it too.

He trusts Bucky to ask him to stop, doesn’t understand that that’s what Bucky had done when they beat him, and how their laughter had ruined him and how if he wants to go on living in any way, he cannot be that person anymore. He isn’t, he’s stronger, has to be, and as the agonizing redness ripples through his consciousness he focuses on the mantra he keeps hidden in the depths of his mind for occasions like this.

\--

When he comes to, he’s lying on his front on a soft surface, on – on the bed, and his arms are free and he’s alone. He touches his wrists and from the lingering rash he figures that he hasn’t been out for more than half an hour.

He can’t remember much from before passing out – nothing but Steve suddenly being very close, very gentle and warm, and a litany of names repeated again and again like a prayer. (He has read the files, memorized their names. He owes it to them to at least know their names.)

He gets up, touches his back. As promised, it’s spotless.

Bucky can move without making any sound, but he still doesn’t expect Steve to allow anyone to sneak up on him unnoticed. He means to call him out on it when he eventually finds Steve sitting at the kitchen table, back to the door. Bucky catches his tongue though, because as he looks closer he sees that Steve’s shoulders are hunched, his face hidden in his hands, and his whole body shakes with the effort of crying without making any sound.

Bucky hesitates for a moment, then retreats as silently as he has come.

 

5.

"Jesus, Steve, yes," Bucky hisses as he arches back. Steve is taking him from behind, fingers digging mercilessly into the raw skin of his ass and hips.

"Tell me," Bucky gasps, "Tell me how you’re gonna lend me to your friends when you’re done."  
He meets Steve’s harsh rhythm and moans obscenely.

"Yeah – tell me how they deserve some stress relief from all that… fuckin’ _superhero-ing_ they’ve got going on, and how you’ll have them take turns on me until they’re all empty and sated, and that’s gonna take a while, and it’s too much but I can’t get away because I’m bound, and – _ah_ – and then you’ll come to pick me up, and you’ll ask them if I’ve been a good fuck like you promised. _Harder, yes_. You – you’ll inspect me, taking in all the marks they left on me, my mouth and my ass and you, _ah_ , you spread my cheeks and my hole is flushed red and it’s swollen almost shut from the constant friction, and you try to stick a finger inside and it’s raw and sensitive and so fucking tight not even your pinkie is gonna fit in there. You, you smell how I reek of sweat and of them, and you’re gonna, gonna cut me loose and hose me down. _Yes, ah_ , and I can’t even stand straight, so you’ll have to carry me, and when I’m all wet and clean you’ll tell me that you’re gonna reclaim me right then and there on the bathroom floor, and –"

He rocks back harder because Steve’s thrusts lack force and it’s not enough –

"You climb between my legs and run a thumb over that flushed lil’ pucker and I shiver because it doesn’t feel like anything’s gonna fit in there ever again, and you spread my legs wider and laugh, cause you’re sure as hell gonna make it fit –"

Bucky keens at the sudden lack of contact.

"What –"

"Nothing," Steve says, desperately trying to coax his shriveling cock back into some state able to perform its task.

Bucky’s gaze is raw with betrayal, and Steve jerks harder and pleads to just give him a minute, just a second, he’ll be able to continue right away…

Bucky gets up and Steve shivers in defeat. He rests his head on the edge of the bed and listens to the door of the apartment fall shut.

 

+1

They negotiate.

Neither is willing to give any ground, but in the end they manage to establish some basic rules.

They have a safeword, and it means full stop, no matter what. It’s not only for Bucky, but for Steve too. He’s the only one who has used it so far, and Bucky tries not to blame him and Steve tries not to avoid Bucky afterwards.

"Nothing that risks permanent damage and no broken bones," Steve says.

"Come on," Bucky whines, "My bones heal faster than other people recover from the fucking flu!"

"It’s 2014 and people still die from the _fucking flu_ , Buck. No."

Bucky sighs. "Okay then. Won’t be asking you to kick my ribs in, Steve, but. Nothing major, just – fingers. Toes, for heaven’s sake."

Steve bites his lip. He’ll hate it, but he might be able to snap a toe or two every once in a while. And if not, he’ll have to learn to.

Steve cheats sometimes. That’s what Bucky calls it, anyway. "’s not cheating if it works," Steve says, because sometimes the mere threat of violence is enough. Once very early on, Steve had run a taser over Bucky’s private parts, telling him to do something _or else_ , and Bucky had snorted, _yeah, sure_. Steve probably wouldn’t have done it if he’d foreseen the effect clearer (Bucky’s scream still haunts his nightmares, sometimes) but now whenever Steve trails a line up and down between Bucky’s legs with the taser, he starts quivering and gets hard just from that.

Steve once managed to make Bucky come by telling him he’d get a stun stick, like the ones they use on dangerous animals, and stick it into him.

So far he’s never used the taser again. He’s prepared to, though, and Bucky knows it. Maybe that’s why it works.

"Sometimes," Bucky wets his lips and avoids looking at Steve, "Sometimes I might need you to call me things you don’t believe me to be, and to blame me for things I know you don’t blame me for."

Steve frowns. "You blame yourself enough, don’t wanna reinforce that."

"No," Bucky says and looks at him, "I know you don’t, but. How about afterwards I’ll let you stroke my hair and tell me what you really think about it."

It’s bait, because there is nothing Steve wants more than to tell Bucky how strong and brave he is and how none of this is his fault, to hug and stroke and cherish him and Steve hasn’t been allowed to for months. It’s not something he can refuse.

"Deal," he says.

Steve also insists on caring for Bucky after they’re done: cleaning him up, dressing wounds. If Steve has managed to thoroughly exhaust Bucky with their activities he even gets away with huddling close and falling asleep together.

Sometimes, he doesn’t. "Just leave me!" Bucky hisses and curls in on himself. Steve leaves him alone, but only after he’s checked for physical damage.Bucky allows it, because this has been one of Steve’s non-negotiables.

Things still escalate sometimes, and Bucky still storms off. Steve will never be okay with this, never not beat himself up over how if he hadn’t done this or hadn’t hesitated to do that, Bucky wouldn’t keep throwing himself in the path of people who are dangerous and whose violence might not know any kind of limits, who don’t know or care about any of the things Steve and Bucky have negotiated.

It makes Steve sick with worry, but Bucky never fails to return before dawn as he has agreed, or at least check in with Natasha, who gives Steve a heads-up.

Still, Steve has no words to describe his gratefulness for the fact that those nights grow further and further apart.

The situation is not ideal, and maybe it never will be, but they'll adapt.

They always have.

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on [tumblr](http://coffeestainanalyst.tumblr.com).


End file.
